Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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