His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
