That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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