Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
