It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
