Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
