apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
