Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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