When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
