Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You made out with two different species that night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
