I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
