he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
