Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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