did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
