so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
