New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
