you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
