I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
