Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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