I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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