My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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