I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
