So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
