try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
