YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
