My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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