if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
