I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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