dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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