I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
