I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
