You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
