So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
