Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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