Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
handjob tips. give me some.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
