True but thats because hes a fetus.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
