If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
