she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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