so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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