why didn't you poke me back
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
