Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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