she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
