I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
