Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize