What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
