Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
