I hate your face
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
