I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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