Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
