He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
