Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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