Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She's the barista slut.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
