SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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