it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
