FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
