that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
