I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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