3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
