My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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