I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling