i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
