Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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