dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
