I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
well you can't waste a boner
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
