You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
