Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
