i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
