READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
