Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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