Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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