i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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