meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
